lesson learned

is it just me or are you tired of that emotional roller coaster that is life? one minute i'm not afraid of life and the next i'm terrified.... that last blog made me angry at myself. no more pussy shit. after last night, i'm not afraid to put myself out there and take chances. i shouldnt let my failures in life and love dictate my future. i'm going to be fine. and so are you. so smile darling, cuz we're gonna be alright.





<3

update.

i need to poop.





update of my update;;
i just pooped.
&& it felt good.




:]

inspiration at its finest.

it seems like these days my respect for people have been coming and going. i have lost respect for certain friends of mine who have done nothing but prove to me that they are not real friends of mine. on the bright side, i have found respect for people who truly deserve them. i was discussing this with my two best friends and they agree.

navarro really inspired me today. when he was talking to us in that small room, he was mostly looking at me almost as if he was just talking to only me. i could see the passion in his eyes and you can tell that his heart is in this. and when we were talking one on one, he really understood where i was coming from and he was the reassurance that i have been needing for a long time. i just wish i could tell him how much he really helped me today. today is one of those days in the year where i'm almost at the point of suicidal thoughts and he was the umbrella protecting me from the harsh rain of my insecurities. i cant tell him no matter how bad i want to, i dont even know where to begin looking for the words to describe how much talking to him means to me. he simply put his arm around me and i instantly felt better. and it was in that moment that i understood what he meant by what a simple act of kindness and showing someone you care can do to someone. if i could, i would tell him. but i think he'll find me weird or something. i needed someone to tell me i'm going to be fine, and navarro did that. everything he said to me today really inspired me and he described exactly how i felt about today's society and life in general. i wish he knew how much he means to me. and how much today means to me. cuz i've been thinking about what he said all day. it really stuck on me. i'm truly inspired.

another great man that i respect is mccrary. seeing him everyday puts a smile on my face and i can always count on him to warmly greet me every morning and he's making sure i stay healthy. he cares about me. and with how i've been feeling lately, i need it. everyday, i go in to see mccrary and he always gives me a hug and asks me how i'm doing even though he just saw me not even 24 hours ago. he's always concerned about my well being. he's kind of a dork but i love him for that.

i dont know what it is about friday the 13th. i expected to have a bad day seeing as how it is friday the 13th which is said to be an unlucky day. but today was probably one of the most inspiring days i've havd in a long time. but i must honestly say what truly made my day was navarro. being surrounded by people i truly respect is having a really positive effect on me. so i'm truly thankful for how today went. the loving lord blessed me with today that i pray will happen again. okay. this is waaaay too sappy and this has gone on for way too long.

god bless<3

update !

so today is where the hands on learning begins. and i couldnt be happier! heck yea! i sang acapella! whoa there. watch out! its not as scary as i thought. i recently learned i need to work on my posing. but whatevs! and we did our scene from mean girls today. i was gretchen. i wasnt really feeling in. so next week i'm gonna try regina out and see what happens. so i've made my core group at john robert powers and these girls are pretty awesome! man it would be amazing if they were in my monday classes. EPICNESS!


BREAK TiME!! shout out to fendi who i know is reading!


okay back to my story. i LOVE acting. i dont just love it. i'm IN LOVE with acting! yes, my first one true love and its not a dude. does that make me lesbo?! aha! okay so i have to prepare for next week's scene. and i must remember the golden rule..... actors NEVER pretend. makes sense?! so i have to bring in a tray and food. i can bring the food part! but i dont wanna bring in a tray! thats too weird! personally i like johnny better but dont tell debra! haha! this must be said again.... i love acting! =]


i'm babysitting again. so i wont be sleeping. even though i want to be right now!! ugh. i dont wanna go to class tomorrow. and i have to be there at 10 in the morning.... and my class doesnt start til 2. sucks much?!?! but i really cant comlain. i asked for this. i wanted this. and i will do whatever it takes to live my dream!


boo yah...... sucka!
=]

first time for everything.

this may be the first time in like EVER that i am the one missing the an exboyfriend. i feel like he was the only one i didnt do my best at being the best girlfriend. but i know its too late. i wish i gave it a real chance. i blame matt for this. even though i know in my heart that this is all my fault. he was probably the coolest boyfriend i ever had.

hard cold truth

- i like the jonas brothers because they've been to the year 3000.
- i like allstar because they they're ready to begin.
- i like FTSK because they dont mess with ladies.
- i like all time low because they make eating hot dogs look extra gay.
- i like honor society because they like to see people in the dark.
- i like paramore because they are born for this.
- i like taylor swift because she burned his picture.
- i like demi lovato because she still eats mcdonalds.
- i think girls who break the #1 girl code are shady.
- ex boyfriends who hide their new relationships are cowards.
- i think its safe to say, i dont like cold weather or the rain.