Lord, what is wrong with me?

my insecurities are getting the best of my again.
why?
i dont know......
i think i just might cry.



God, expect a ring
im in need of another one of our late night phone calls.

you are different than the rest.....

JUSTIN::
one day, he finds out i like him. than the next day he comes up to me and says, "so..... do you wanna try it?" and apparently that made us boyfriend and girlfriend. 6 months go by..... its awesome! fast forward to our one year anniversary..... "sorry babe, i cant make it today. im busy." -____________________- new found glory said it best, "and its all down hill from here....." months go by.... where's justin? i have no idea...... i didnt have the funds to see my own boyfriend. bye bye justin.


MATT::
new text message..... "i guess we're together now" again.... head over heels. not even 2 months....
hello mysterious blonde girl....... hi megan....... hi megan again.......
wow.... megan sure does show up a lot...... bye matt........ hello matt's new girlfriend....... megan -_____________-


TOMMY::
tommy says, "my girlfriend broke up with me )':" awwwww im sorry.
hug......hug.......hug......hug.......kiss......kiss.......kissing......sleepovers.......late night phone calls
"we're going to go to college together, your going to live with me and i'll cook or you and take care of you."
i love you...... i miss you....... <<<<<<<3
i wasnt even your girlfriend..... not even close -__________________-
VVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVV
VVVV
VV
V

"between all the smiles and laughs,
the fights and tears,
the fun adventures and trips,
the sleepovers and late night phone calls,
i fell in love".........
WITH SOMEONE ELSE! :P


which brings us to........




CALVIN!!!
all those times tommy "forgot" to call. all those times tommy got mad at me for texting you. all those times you were there for me when tommy wasnt. that time you picked me up in kraproom because you missed me. you were there for me the night tommy broke up with me. you were there for me whenever i needed you. you still are there for me. you told me you didnt want to break my heart. you always reassured me when i let my insecurities get the best of me. you were the first and only one to make thefirst day of our relationship special. you made the effort to make it special. and special indeed it was<3
the romantic dinner..... sunset on the beach....... stroll around the promenade.......
and since then i've fallen more and more in love with you.......
you are different.
my love
my prince charming
my muffin<3



i l o v e y o u !
forever&&always
<33333333

craaaaap!

i looked at the clock at 2:45 thinking it was 3:45....
after i realized my mistake.....
the shortest hour and a half of my life
turned into the longest hour and a half of my life



F M L !



hahahaha
but im still smiling [:

oh shizzzzz!

i have to go poopie!!!
)))))))):


but there is a blocking force in the shape of
a calvin park that is preventing me to do so :P



now we play.......
the waiting game [;

hello prince charming....

welcome back!
once again, you've come to my rescue
and nothing can make me happier [:



your trying.
i see it.
and thats all i need<3



i l o v e y o u !
forever&& always
<33333333

i love you.

i dont like being away from you
i dont like always wondering what your up to
i hate having to hang up the phone at night
i love your good morning texts
i love how you stay with me when im in tears
i miss that time you drove all the way back here just because i called you crying
i miss that other time you drove all the way to kraproom just to pick me up
i miss how exciting it was just being with you
i miss how you always made time for me
i remember when you called me for the first time
i remember how you just called cuz you wanted to hear me talk like a fumbled retard
i remember the time you told me you never want to break my heart
i dont like the fact that we can only see each other on the weekends
i hate the fact that we will be in jrp on the weekends
and you cant even hug me, let alone talk to me when we're there
i love how you can calm me down when im angry at you
i miss it when you texted me when your team won a game
or when you texted me for anything for that matter
i miss it when you told me i cheered you up when your team lost
i miss when you dropped everything just to see me
i hate it when i feel like you dont care about me
i hate crying myself to sleep at night
i remember when i was so sure you were different
now im praying that your different
i remember you would rush here if i needed you to, no matter what
now you just say your sorry, and you would come if you could


what happened?
what happened to the old calvin that did all those things?
the calvin that made me feel so special.
the one who always wanted to have his arm around me
and said he didnt care who sees
the one who would just look at me and smile**
the one who always sang for me
and dedicated songs for me
the calvin who treated me like a princess, who would open the car door for me
and who would always come to my rescue.
i guess all that stuff really is for fairytales.



** you looked at me like that on sunday. but its been so long and i forgot what it felt like that i just got all awkward.
but i miss you looking at me like that. it almost felt like we were in a music video for passenger seat.

it made me happy that you sung that song in class. but would it honestly kill you if you said you were singing it for me? would it be so bad if you acknowledged our relationship in jrp?



and im that stupid girl still wishing for her prince charming
even after acknowledging the fact,
im still praying for my prince charming
he's somewhere inside of you.


i love you.