hello there

i like getting to know people
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parallel universe

in this universe of mine. nothing can go wrong. nothing can hurt me. and everything is exactly the way i want them to be. its my perfect world. the world im meant to have. where your part of a loving, close nit family. your friends are REALLY your friends. lately.... ive been feeling like my parallel universe is becoming a reality. ive been spending qaulity time with my family. and i feel my acting skills growing each and everyday. this weekend has been more than perfect. nothing was wrong. in this world me and my brother get along and my mom isnt nagging about every little thing. i dont have to worry about trying to please everyone. my family is happy with what i have provided and they dont ask for more. all i need now is the friends part, the T part, and the hollywood part and my life will be far more better than i have ever imagined.

for now.... i dream of a world where family's eat breakfast at the table and melodic songs on the piano, flowers bloom these crazy colors, the weather isnt trying to kill you, and everyone is happy. there is no selfishness, or greed, no pain or suffering, no violence. just sheer bliss and understanding. compassion for others and peace. a world where life doesnt award the winner, but those who are brave enough to participate. a world where someone can walk down the street safely and you know everyone in your town. where chilvary is not dead.... where your boyfriend opens doors for you, pulls out your seat, puts their arm around you when your cold, calls you, takes you out on real dates.... and a world where girls are not sluts.... a world where no one does drugs and only drink on special occations like a glass of wine in a wedding or new year's. this is the world i long for. this is the world that is supposed to be. sometimes i wish the 50's would just make its comeback. im keeping my fingers crossed until then.

w t f !

why the fuck is it my responsiblity to make everyone happy?! everytime i focus on one friend, another one gets mad at me? its like when did it become my job to keep our friendship alive? friendship is a two way street. just because i dont tell you everything doesnt mean i have a problem. do i look like a fuckin hotel to you? i'm not here to satisfy your needs. its not my job to accomadate you! if you were really my friend you would just accept me for me. you keep telling me all these things wrong with me.... have you ever took the time to look at yourself?! there are so many things wrong with you that i could point out to you but do i?! no!! because i dont care. youre fucked up, but so am i. and i still love you. i still care for you. i still chose to be friends with you becuase we have fun together. why cant you see it like that? you claim to be so optimistic but your one of the most negative people i know! and i'm sensitive? your the one who's getting so butt hurt over nothing! you have no reason to be mad at you. you make me out to be such a horrible person.... how am i the horrbile one? im the one trying here and all you do is talk crap about me behind my back. i guess im so horrible for trying so hard. thank god school is almost over so i dont have to deal with you or any of this ever again. im so sick of your shit and me having to deal with it.

btw;; all the things you say are wrong with me and everything you say i do that is so fucked up.... you do it too.