oh taylor swift. how i relate to thee.

State the obvious
I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realized you love yourself
More that you could ever love me

So go and tell your friends
That I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine, I'll tell mine
You're gay and by the way

I hate that stupid old skateboard
You never let me ride
You're a high school, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying

So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned
You're just another picture to burn

There's no time for tears
I'm just sitting here planning my revenge
There's nothing stopping me
From going out with all of your best friends

And if you come around
Saying sorry to me
My daddy's going to show you
How sorry you'll be

'Cause I hate that stupid old skate board
You never let me ride
You're a high school, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying

And so watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned
You're just another picture to burn

And if you're missing me
You better keep it to yourself
'Cause coming back around here
Would be bad for your health

'Cause I hate that stupid old skateboard
You never let me ride
You're a high school, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying

So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
In case you haven't heard
I really, really hate that

Stupid old skateboard
You never let me ride
You're a high school, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying

So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned
You're just another picture to burn

Burn, burn, burn, baby burn
Just another picture to burn
Baby burn

typical day....

Wednesday, January 14th, 2oo9

6oo- 7oo;; "ooooh. this is an SOS, dont wanna second guess...." hello?!....sdfjskljhsg......dsfsfhsdjhsd...... shower, brush teeth, put on clothes, apply eyeliner....... eh, look like shit.

73o- 745;; drink water, watch tv, wait for kathleen. "go outside..... okay" get to school. what was that?!.... its called the sidewalk! hahaha! get to the morning spot.

8oo-93o;; rrrriiiiiiinnnnggggg!! off to class meet you guys later. eh, grumpy old man. idiotic freshmen. something smells foul ! i. want. to. leave. bell rings. finally, time to leave.

935- 11o6;; second period. yay! my favorite class! laughs laughs laughs. richie numba three!!! "i curse thee that thine will die a bloody and shameful death on the battle field!" gah! stupid study questions! ms. long is totally my favorite teacher! she is awesome! no drama! i like it! ring ring ring. time for lunch

11o6- 1136;; lunch time!! yummy! walk walk walk. its a looooong way to the lunch spot. a little laugh. a little small talk. a little HACKY SACK! bleh. you ignore me. WHATEVER! haha! you cant keep me from smiling! ring ring ring. time for third period.

1142- 112;; leadership. no stirpe. okay! DO WORK FRESHMAN! haha! =] "you cant write fuck you on the marquee!!" stupid 19th amendment! slap slap slap. lukas is a cutie<3>

112- 122;; bathroom touch up. no smoking!. hey matt, live and learn! hola everyone else! matt's leaving. what?! oh i apparently i'm leaving too.

127- 3o6;; bonding experience with my troy<3.>

3o6- 33o;; walk walk walk to the car. in your face jeff sickler! my my matt mccallister you have a pretty hot father. bye dianne! off to kathleen's house! that is one sexy beast!

33o- 6oo;; finally get here. lydia jumps on the laptop. me and kathleen get sucked into a two song gig on rock band. she was her brother, and i was a fly black guy who you know is smooth with the ladies. eye of the tiger, dead on arrival. thats it. we finally got bored with it. and so we made videos. "dude i think someone's following us." kirby kirby kirby! poor poor lydia. =[ food after food after food. and it was delicious. running down the street with a rock in my butt pocket is the only way to go! we were SO NOT making fun of nick allen, tommy, anderson, genieve, kristine, and people who get their legs insured. kirby farted.... really really loud. time to go. but not before we pick ORANGES! and off we go.

6oo- 62o;; get in the car and drop off lydia. i dont think anything funny happened here. but it was still enjoyable.

63o- 75o;; i had to poop. then i got hungry. then i drowned in music. got lost in myspace. and burried myself in my emotions through blog. not much. just like always. but then my mommy came home and dropped the bomb......

755;; john casablanca from elite wants to meet you. we're going this saturday....... oHMYJoNAS!!!


i'm about to be a prat of something big. and i'm ready!
:]

stupid lamb who's doing great things.

hola ladies and gents. i know i was so angry yesterday. i said i was over him. i said i wanted nothing to do with him. he said he wanted me. he said he wanted to spend time with me. and i believe him. even when i was told not to. but i just cant help it. he still makes me smile when he looks at me. his hug still warms my heart. but its those two bitchy bottle blondes that ruined my day. i was fine. i am going to laugh once i have him and they find out. he wont be leaving me anymore. and she cant do anything about it. but it has been racking my mind all day. is he worth all of this trouble?! i was told by someone whom i hold near and dear to my heart that if someone makes you happy, you have to try your hardest to keep them regardless if they make you sad. if their power to make you happy is more greater than their habit of making you angry or sad, then they are still worth keeping. and i was also advised to see this as my future and my dream. matt is to boyfriend as acting is to dream. if i want either, i have to fight for it. i have to make myself stand out and show both of them that i am better than everyone else who wants him/ it. and if i feel in my heart that its going to happen, then it will.

but the thing is, even though my living out my dream is one chance in a million, me being with matt is an even smaller chance. there are so many factors that are keeping us together. but i dont care about the other obstacles. the only thing that is in y way that i care about is him. i know he likes me. but he doesnt wanna take that chance and just see what it would be like to date. he doesnt see that it will be better than how we are now. he doesnt know that all of our problems will be over if he just grows some nads and ask me out. i know he wants to be with me. i know he likes me. and i know we'll be fine as boyfriend and girlfriend. am i childish?! am i immature?! am i psycho or crazy?! maybe. but at least i'm brave enough to tell him how i feel and i'm willing to take a chance with him. why cant he?! should i just ask him out? i dunno.

to ask. or not to ask. that is the question. oh tha billy shakes. you violent horny bastard. you dominate my days. REALLY!! i'm reading richard lll in class and i have to answer so many fuckin questions!! dude! we get it! you were born really ugly so now youre killing your family for revenge. but yea. so... nothing much to say really. school is going good. matt is complicated as always. my friends are friggin rad. kathleen and i just made a new video featuring the one and only kirby! the coolest baby that has ever walked the planet! lets see... what else is new;

hopefully january 24th, 2oo9 will be the start of my path to what will be the greatest adventure of my life!! i feel so blessed with this opportunity and trust me, you will be seeing my doing great things. i will soon be taking over your tv screen! i will be a house hold name. you'll see me on tmz walking the streets of burbank with my friends. i'll be splashed all over youtube. there will be shutter bugs in my face 24/7. you'll find a million pages worth of posers of me on myspace. but lets get the record straight right now, the REAL myspace is ------->www.myspace.com/jenniecayanan. =] dont get it twist'd!! i will soon be dominating your radio. the anthem for the summer of 2o1o will be my song about living life to its fullest. you'll be comforted by my empowering song about not letting other people get you down and loving yourself. you will cry with me as you sing along to my heartache song that will be about mister matt. because i like to play it like taylor swift. it will be real. it will be personal. and it WILL include names! ;] so get on my good side right now cuz i will write a song about you that is worth telling people about. and what will probably be my favorite song ever written;; its called bottle blondes. i think we all know where this is heading. ;] hahaha!

moral of this story, i'm going to be doing great things. i'm going to be blowing up the big screen. the people that have been by my side throughout everything and the ones who genuinely love me will be benefiting from my glory. the ones who left me will be nice to me again and will brag about how they "know" me. and the ones who have judged me before meeting me, the ones who have been talking crap about me, and the ones who choose to dislike me for stupid reasons, and the ones who never gave me a chance will regret it and they will be kicking themselves in the ass everyday. but i'll save you the trouble. i forgive you. why?! because i'm going to be chasing after my dream and i dont want any bad blood on my tail. new year, new start. i want to walk through the door to the beginning of my new life with a smile.


=]

little boy. little boy

You can see that I've been crying

And baby you know all the right things: to say
But do you honestly expect me to believe
We could ever be the same...
You say that the past is the past, you need one chance
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice before you let it all go
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her
Would get back to me...
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

ello poppet

okay. so i just took a break. i just ate three bowls of cereal [lucky charms // coco puffs // lucky charms, but only the marshmallows], two bowls of chocolate marshmallow ice cream, a rodeo burger and a slice of sundae pie. and no i cant make up my mind to save my life, hence the vast variety of food consumption. and then i pooped..... and it felt good [:

and here, i leave you with something that makes me smile...

no more child's play

yes. this must be said. i am soooooooooo over high school boys. i am so tired of being that girl who is hung up over a guy who doesnt care. he knew what he was doing. and i am so sick of being THAT girl who keeps finding something wrong in herself just because he cant commit. i'm tired of feeling like i'm not good enough. i know damn well i'm good enough. i may not be the best, but i'm waaaaaaaay better than they are. and if he doesnt see it then he's the one who has the problem. i became the kind of girl i said i would never be and i hate it. i dont want to be that insecure pathetic little loser that i came to be. that is NOT me.


you NEVER cared about me. all you cared about was yourself. i was ALWAYS honest with you and you were the one who didnt say anything. i was left standing there feeling like an idiot. and then you turn around and say you like me?! that you dont wanna be with me because you dont want to hurt me again?! you are hurting me more than the last time. at least last time you were honest with me. but this time you straight up lied and made me look and feel like an even bigger idiot. youre not the same person i fell for. you changed and i hate this new person youve become. even someone that didnt like me defended me when you left me. thats what your ALWAYS doing. youre ALWAYS leaving me. why are you always leaving?! where are you always going?! i know where. youre always going with her. do you honestly think that she will make you happier than i can?! you are severely mistaken my dear. but if you really do believe that then youre the idiot. cuz that is impossible.

but i'm done with you. i'm not gonna wait around for the old you to come back. i made that mistake once and i am NOT going to do that to myself again. you were a waste of time and i'm so sorry i fell for you. i'm done with being that girl who sits and waits for a guy to realize that she is the one he wants. i'm done with letting you play me and then leave me the very chance you get. i'm worth more than that. and i know that now. i'm not going to play second favorite. i'm come first and i'm the only one or you dont have me at all. you cant have your cake and eat it too. i will not allow myself to be played like an untuned guitar. i'm a prize and i should be cherrished like a priceless statue. you should have put me on a pedestal. and you must be a new kind of retarded if you think you can chose a slut over me and get away with it. i am not going to put up with that shit anymore. you made your choice when you walked out that door with her, leaving me standing there like a fool. now i made mine. I. AM. DONE. WITH. YOU.



=p