hola ladies and gents. i know i was so angry yesterday. i said i was over him. i said i wanted nothing to do with him. he said he wanted me. he said he wanted to spend time with me. and i believe him. even when i was told not to. but i just cant help it. he still makes me smile when he looks at me. his hug still warms my heart. but its those two bitchy bottle blondes that ruined my day. i was fine. i am going to laugh once i have him and they find out. he wont be leaving me anymore. and she cant do anything about it. but it has been racking my mind all day. is he worth all of this trouble?! i was told by someone whom i hold near and dear to my heart that if someone makes you happy, you have to try your hardest to keep them regardless if they make you sad. if their power to make you happy is more greater than their habit of making you angry or sad, then they are still worth keeping. and i was also advised to see this as my future and my dream. matt is to boyfriend as acting is to dream. if i want either, i have to fight for it. i have to make myself stand out and show both of them that i am better than everyone else who wants him/ it. and if i feel in my heart that its going to happen, then it will.
but the thing is, even though my living out my dream is one chance in a million, me being with matt is an even smaller chance. there are so many factors that are keeping us together. but i dont care about the other obstacles. the only thing that is in y way that i care about is him. i know he likes me. but he doesnt wanna take that chance and just see what it would be like to date. he doesnt see that it will be better than how we are now. he doesnt know that all of our problems will be over if he just grows some nads and ask me out. i know he wants to be with me. i know he likes me. and i know we'll be fine as boyfriend and girlfriend. am i childish?! am i immature?! am i psycho or crazy?! maybe. but at least i'm brave enough to tell him how i feel and i'm willing to take a chance with him. why cant he?! should i just ask him out? i dunno.
to ask. or not to ask. that is the question. oh tha billy shakes. you violent horny bastard. you dominate my days. REALLY!! i'm reading richard lll in class and i have to answer so many fuckin questions!! dude! we get it! you were born really ugly so now youre killing your family for revenge. but yea. so... nothing much to say really. school is going good. matt is complicated as always. my friends are friggin rad. kathleen and i just made a new video featuring the one and only kirby! the coolest baby that has ever walked the planet! lets see... what else is new;
hopefully january 24th, 2oo9 will be the start of my path to what will be the greatest adventure of my life!! i feel so blessed with this opportunity and trust me, you will be seeing my doing great things. i will soon be taking over your tv screen! i will be a house hold name. you'll see me on tmz walking the streets of burbank with my friends. i'll be splashed all over youtube. there will be shutter bugs in my face 24/7. you'll find a million pages worth of posers of me on myspace. but lets get the record straight right now, the REAL myspace is ------->www.myspace.com/jenniecayanan. =] dont get it twist'd!! i will soon be dominating your radio. the anthem for the summer of 2o1o will be my song about living life to its fullest. you'll be comforted by my empowering song about not letting other people get you down and loving yourself. you will cry with me as you sing along to my heartache song that will be about mister matt. because i like to play it like taylor swift. it will be real. it will be personal. and it WILL include names! ;] so get on my good side right now cuz i will write a song about you that is worth telling people about. and what will probably be my favorite song ever written;; its called bottle blondes. i think we all know where this is heading. ;] hahaha!
moral of this story, i'm going to be doing great things. i'm going to be blowing up the big screen. the people that have been by my side throughout everything and the ones who genuinely love me will be benefiting from my glory. the ones who left me will be nice to me again and will brag about how they "know" me. and the ones who have judged me before meeting me, the ones who have been talking crap about me, and the ones who choose to dislike me for stupid reasons, and the ones who never gave me a chance will regret it and they will be kicking themselves in the ass everyday. but i'll save you the trouble. i forgive you. why?! because i'm going to be chasing after my dream and i dont want any bad blood on my tail. new year, new start. i want to walk through the door to the beginning of my new life with a smile.
=]
but the thing is, even though my living out my dream is one chance in a million, me being with matt is an even smaller chance. there are so many factors that are keeping us together. but i dont care about the other obstacles. the only thing that is in y way that i care about is him. i know he likes me. but he doesnt wanna take that chance and just see what it would be like to date. he doesnt see that it will be better than how we are now. he doesnt know that all of our problems will be over if he just grows some nads and ask me out. i know he wants to be with me. i know he likes me. and i know we'll be fine as boyfriend and girlfriend. am i childish?! am i immature?! am i psycho or crazy?! maybe. but at least i'm brave enough to tell him how i feel and i'm willing to take a chance with him. why cant he?! should i just ask him out? i dunno.
to ask. or not to ask. that is the question. oh tha billy shakes. you violent horny bastard. you dominate my days. REALLY!! i'm reading richard lll in class and i have to answer so many fuckin questions!! dude! we get it! you were born really ugly so now youre killing your family for revenge. but yea. so... nothing much to say really. school is going good. matt is complicated as always. my friends are friggin rad. kathleen and i just made a new video featuring the one and only kirby! the coolest baby that has ever walked the planet! lets see... what else is new;
hopefully january 24th, 2oo9 will be the start of my path to what will be the greatest adventure of my life!! i feel so blessed with this opportunity and trust me, you will be seeing my doing great things. i will soon be taking over your tv screen! i will be a house hold name. you'll see me on tmz walking the streets of burbank with my friends. i'll be splashed all over youtube. there will be shutter bugs in my face 24/7. you'll find a million pages worth of posers of me on myspace. but lets get the record straight right now, the REAL myspace is ------->www.myspace.com/jenniecayanan. =] dont get it twist'd!! i will soon be dominating your radio. the anthem for the summer of 2o1o will be my song about living life to its fullest. you'll be comforted by my empowering song about not letting other people get you down and loving yourself. you will cry with me as you sing along to my heartache song that will be about mister matt. because i like to play it like taylor swift. it will be real. it will be personal. and it WILL include names! ;] so get on my good side right now cuz i will write a song about you that is worth telling people about. and what will probably be my favorite song ever written;; its called bottle blondes. i think we all know where this is heading. ;] hahaha!
moral of this story, i'm going to be doing great things. i'm going to be blowing up the big screen. the people that have been by my side throughout everything and the ones who genuinely love me will be benefiting from my glory. the ones who left me will be nice to me again and will brag about how they "know" me. and the ones who have judged me before meeting me, the ones who have been talking crap about me, and the ones who choose to dislike me for stupid reasons, and the ones who never gave me a chance will regret it and they will be kicking themselves in the ass everyday. but i'll save you the trouble. i forgive you. why?! because i'm going to be chasing after my dream and i dont want any bad blood on my tail. new year, new start. i want to walk through the door to the beginning of my new life with a smile.
=]
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